I offer coaching for high achieving men and women, the purpose of which is to clarify their purpose in their work, build radically deeper relationships, and/or to find more confidence, inner peace and a consistent state of presence.
The way to get started is the 360 interview. I’ll describe it in more detail below, but the big idea is that I interview the 6 people closest to you in your life for an hour to highlight your strengths and blindspots. Then, I’ll present my findings to you and help you create an action plan for seizing on your opportunities for growth.
I personally did this with an executive coach 5 years ago, and it was the single most impactful thing that I did for my growth as a leader. Now I’m putting my own spin on it.
While I’m conducting the interviews and analyzing the results, we meet weekly to discuss what you want in your life, what’s blocking you, and taking action.
At the end of the 360 interview process, we decide if we want to continue working together. If we do, we shape a coaching plan together.
Why is the 360 interview so powerful?
When you’re a leader of any system, constructive feedback is hard to come by. On top of fear of defensiveness and abandonment, people are also afraid of losing jobs,
losing the favor of their superior,
or they may think something like “Who the hell am I to tell her some way she can be better, when she’s so amazing?!”
When YOU are aware of something you want to change, you change it. It may take longer than expected sometimes, but you change it, because that’s the type of person you are. You are intentional and walk the walk.
But what if you aren’t entirely aware of what change would make the biggest difference? What if you feel stuck in one or more areas of your life, or you see an opportunity for growth in yourself but don’t know exactly how to get to where you want to be?
That’s why getting candid feedback from those closest to you in different areas of life is one of the best methods for personal growth.
But unless we intentionally cultivate a pathway for giving and receiving this type of feedback in our relationships, it won’t happen.
Because it’s too scary and too much seems to be at risk.
Let’s say we’re close friends and you tell me candidly that you really want to feel more connected to me and the rest of your friends. Later, I may notice that you have a tendency to make a joke anytime someone asks you a question with a remotely vulnerable answer—and it prevents you from forging a deeper connection. Telling you this tactfully is in your best interest based on YOUR goal. But I may be too scared to tell you, fearing that you’ll lash out, get defensive or take it out on me. In some relationships, the fear of even losing the person is palpable, even if completely fabricated.
Your growth is always limited by your awareness.
Failure to get the perspective of those around you will stunt your awareness and your growth.
On the other hand, creating a way for your inner circle to share their perspective with you reliably leads to greater clarity in your life about how to perform, communicate and lead better. It also leads to more depth and trust in your relationships.
With practice, we have a great awareness of our internal world (which only we can), and if we’re observant we probably have a pretty good idea of how our actions impact others. But we can only see so much. We could meditate for years without ever realizing how our behaviors and communication keep us from getting what we want in life, when a single conversation or even single statement from a close friend, colleague or partner could point it out immediately.
Room of Mirrors
When you don’t get this type of feedback in your life, you’re like Phlip Seymour Hoffman in Along Came Polly (Sandy Lyle in the movie). He thinks he’s Kobe Bryant when he actually plays at a 2nd grade level. He doesn’t really see reality. If he really wants to get better at basketball, a critical step is for him to realize he’s not there yet. 
When you have an inner circle giving you feedback it’s like having a room full of mirrors, each reflecting a unique angle of how you’re viewed in the world.
You’ll find out:
Which strengths come so naturally to you that you don’t even realize you have them
When you know your strengths, you can lean into them and do more of what you’re best at. For instance, one thing I learned in this process is that the single most consistent way people would describe me is “grounded.” I appear to be grounded, I have a significant grounding effect on others, and they get value out of that. Knowing that this is one of the ways I bring value to relationships gave me more confidence immediately. It also showed me more of who I truly am, so that when I want, I can crank up the grounding energy and bring that to a relationship or a group.
Another example: A guy came to me saying one of the biggest things he wanted to improve was his confidence in his life and his work. One of the themes that came out of his 360 interview was that the people in his life ALL saw him as a baller—and they craved more of his confident, decisive leadership. When I told him this, he said, “Whoa, this is big. This feels like it changes everything.”
The knowledge that the people in his life respected the hell out of him and actively wanted him to continue leading and expressing himself gave him a huge amount of energy. And he got exactly what he hired me for: confidence.
The inconsistencies between what you say you want and how you behave
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been “working on yourself,” it’s hard as hell to notice these inconsistencies sometimes. It’s easy to see in others, but tough to see in ourselves, because there are ancient mental mechanisms designed to maintain homeostasis, avoid change, keep looking good (ego), and avoid looking bad (also ego). Having these pointed out can instantly help us live in greater alignment with our values.
I have thought of myself as very empathetic and connective ever since I went to rehab in 2008. I have prided myself on being able to connect with anyone under the sun. But in my 360, I learned that some people I worked with felt like we had a transactional relationship, and that I didn’t seem to want to get to know them.
As soon as my coach told me this, a dull feeling of guilt arose because I knew it was true but hadn’t seen it before. That’s not how I wanted to be. So I immediately started being more curious about the people I worked with and genuinely getting to know them. This led to greater psychological safety on the team and contributed to some of those same team members coming to me first when they needed support with a challenging situation at work.
Annoying habits and defects of character
The things that may not even directly relate to things we think we want in life, but prevent us from living with greater peace.
The impact that certain actions have had on our relationships
A single statement can lead to years of resentment and disconnection without you ever knowing what you said. This is an opportunity to get complete in your closest relationships which could lead to more love in your life and the release of creative energy that was previously trapped by the tension in this relationship.
While things like meditation and journaling are impactful (and an essential part of my personal practice) they are the safe, and often slower, route to personal growth. The people in your life have a treasure trove of things you can use to improve yourself and reach your goals faster. If you’re willing to hear it and use it.
360 Interview Process
This is a tool used by companies all over the world including many of the world’s top executives.
I’ll reiterate that this was possibly the biggest catalyst for growth as a leader I’ve ever experienced. At the end of mine, I had a map of exactly what I needed to work on to perform better in my work.
If you’re ready and truly feel called to this work, it can change your life.